I am my own sledgehammer, good and bad

Well, fuck.
Sorry to post these here, guys. But I am having one of those weird creepy mental moments, this time regarding body dysmorphic disorder. Logically and rationally, I know I am not full of bad excess fatness and ugliness and stupidness. Logically and rationally, I know I am a pretty girl and a beautiful woman and I am wonderful and amazing in many ways. But you know mental interestingness. It is always interesting. In that way that makes you want to beat it with a sledgehammer.
No teasing, please. No mocking, no creative harmless insults, no poor humor. Not even out of love. Not right now. Maybe later when I am feeling better; we shall laugh and share whiskey and watch science fiction and cartoons.
But you know what? I know I am not alone. I know I have comfort out there. I know things will be all right. I know people understand so deeply that it goes beyond the soul. You know who you are, and I love you. <3

And stuff, etcetera. Also, nail colors.

Well, hello, new migraine. And other stupid pain things. Good thing I have nowhere to go today. I can at least try to organize my clothes. Charlotte will be coming over to help.

Jupiter is pawing and poking at me for cuddles, which I gave him, and it was profoundly adorable, the way I had one arm around him while he leaned into my torso against my sweater and purred. He's still hanging out, front paws on my leg, moving around to get comfortable next to me.

Also, last night's Doctor Who finale had me actually sobbing and grabbing Adam's hands and telling him how much I loved him. I mean, I know lots of fans started getting super annoyed at Amy and Rory, sometimes hateful, but not me, I always loved them. And oh, what a way to say goodbye.

HOLY FUCK, PAIN. This is such bullshit. My spears are all tarnished and bloody, because the pain monsters have come close enough for me to stab. So I still have many spears, but I am still weak, and it sucks, and I want to lie down and sleep, but I can't, because Things To Do.

"It's creepy here!"
"This is the worst part. The calm before the battle."
"And then the battle's not so bad?"
"Oh, right. I forgot about the battle. *whimper*"
-Fry and an Army soldier, from Futurama, 'War Is The H-Word'

At least I can look at my pretty turquoise green fingernails and distract myself with shiny.

I don't care what they say. Strong not-red nail colors are awesome.
When I was with my parents I mentioned that I had bought Revlon's Nail Enamel in Ocean, a metallic teal green. And my mother, the artist and former fashion illustrator who attended FIT in the 1960, made a disgusted face and said that nobody should wear colors like that, only reds and browns and such. Well, hah hah, I'm wearing Ocean right now. And I love it. And I also bought more Revlon colors, like Rainforest (glittery deep forest green) and Decadent (metallic blue purple) and Mysterious (shiny royal blue), which are all lovely.

So far, I like Revlon's nail enamel products if I can't get natural or organic nail products. I've been dismissing the very low reviews on certain websites that claim instant chipping of enamel and brittle yellowing of nails, because I have really strong nails thanks to biotin and bamboo silica and topical serums containing oils like argan and tamanu and neem. I'm not sure what those people have been doing. Ooh, my nails are SHINY.

Shiny Pretty Gems and Jewels

I'm back to wearing the silver wire ring with the light blue kyanite flanked by lapis lazuli, this time on my right middle finger. Kyanite and Lapis Lazuli have always given me the most peace. And of course there is the silver pentacle ring on my left pointer finger, the two amber bracelets on my left wrist, the precious shimmering rainbow Ethiopian Opal gold filigree ring on my left middle finger, and the ouroborus pentacle amber pendant on the silver chain. I am full of the stuff I call magic and often physics.
Also, that nail polish is "Ocean" by Revlon.

Come to the mad side; we have cookies that give you superpowers.

My townhouse has been named "Wonderland" - it is perfect.

We are all mad here. But I am Alice, and I have been completely twisted from my years of Wonderland journeying, and my madness is the control center.

Luna is my Cheshire Cat.
Rose is my Dinah.
Jupiter is my White Rabbit.
Adam is both my Mad Hatter and my Caterpillar.

I am very glad and grateful that I created the character of Alicia as a psychic guide to help me through seizures and pains. I have no idea what part of me invented her, but I thank that part.

My mother's screed on her own art

"In my drawings, I want to capture the emotion, the feeling of the gesture, the feeling that the figure could keep moving... that the figure is fluid, immediate, and tentative. I'm more interested in the process of the drawing... multiple lines, revisions on the page. The act of drawing is as much a part of the drawing, to me, as the finished piece. I draw quickly and can determine in a few strokes whether the drawing will work, or I whether have to start over. I don't work on a piece for many hours in order to draw every pore and crease... if I wanted something so exact, I'd take a photograph and be done! All that was part of my training as a fashion illustrator, to quickly get the essence, the elegance of the form..."
-Linda Capello, on why she applies her very specific art form.
http://www.lindacapello.com/