The Return To Innocence

I wear a dark green Russian Amazonite ring on my spastic hemiplegic left hand to represent cerebral palsy. I wear a purple charoite ring on my right hand to represent fibromyalgia. I wear purple lepidolite bracelets, blue kyanite bracelet, labradorite bracelet, fluorite bracelet, purple charoite clear quartz pentacle pendant, to represent all of my awesome disabilities of which I am proud.
Because I can. Because colorful gems are cool.

*Obvious Disclaimer Is Obvious*
Just because I have purely personal anecdotal experience that crystals and stones have healing powers does not mean that crystals and stones will work for anyone, and it does not mean that other people would have the same experiences. I am fine with being mocked, belittled, and teased.

http://www.crystalhealingforwomen.com/amazonite.html
http://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/charoite
http://www.crystalvaults.com/crystal-encyclopedia/labradorite
http://www.zoultier.com/gem-historical-metaphysic-zoultier/lepidolite-historical-metaphysical-healing-properties
http://www.controverscial.com/Flourite.htm

"Lepidolite is a type of mica, it is shy and created of many layers of hexagonal plates. It occurs in sparkling masses around pink tourmaline crystals. Due to it's cleavage, as with most mica, Lepidolite is rarely faceted. It is rich in lithium, which is what lends it's beautiful color. Lepidolite cracks and breaks easily.
Placed on the body, Lepidolite is used to locate the site of the body's disease; vibrating gently to indicate the source.
Lepidolite will:
strengthen the immune system, restructures DNA, enhances the generation of negative ions;
relieve allergies, exhaustion, epilepsy and Alzheimer's;
detoxify for the skin and connective tissue;
assist in an excellent stone for menopause, especially as an elixir;
be laid directly on painful parts of the body, it helps with nerve pain, sciatica, neuralgia and joint problems;
be known as a powerful pain remover, it can also reduce the ill-effects of anesthetic and dependency on medications, alcohol, tobacco or food; and
also told to provide a wonderful shield against the effects of modern pollutions.
Lepidolite is:
a stone of calm, trust, and acceptance;
extremely useful in the reduction of depression as well as stress;
used to halt obsessive thoughts, and relieves despondency, as well as overcomes insomnia; and
supportive in releasing one from addictions and complains of all kinds, including anorexia;
known to clear out all of the redundant messages and voices form the past that hold us back from happiness and/or success;
an aid in attracting supportive friends and colleagues, as well as bring opportunities to succeed; and
will help any and all living in unavoidably stressful experiences (such as city dwellers) to maintain a calm, and serene center.
Due to its calming properties and its often vividly purple color, Lepidolite can be used in rituals or carried to promote spirituality. It is a mineral carried to attract good luck, it also drives off negativity, although it's protective properties are not extremely strong. To promote a restful nights sleep free of nightmares, place Lepidolite near the headboard of the bed.
Called a 'stone of transformation" Lepidolite releases and reorganises old psychological and behavioral patterns, thus inducing change.
Stay Healthy!"

"Fluorite is highly protective and is a beneficial crystal to help guard one from picking up negativity or negative energies from those nearby. It cleanses and stabilizes the aura and is extremely effective against computer and electromagnetic stress. Spiritually, Fluorite grounds and integrates spiritual energies. It heightens intuitive powers and makes one more aware of higher spiritual realities. Psychologically, Fluorite dissolves fixed patterns of behavior and opens the door to the subconscious, bringing suppressed feelings to the surface for resolution. Dissolving fixed ideas, it helps one to see the bigger picture. This crystal dissolves illusions and reveals the truth. It can be very helpful when one needs to act impartially and objectively. Fluorite increases self-confidence, improves physical and mental coordination and counteracts mental disorders. This crystal is an excellent learning aid, increasing concentration. It helps one to absorb new information and promotes quick thinking.
Emotionally, Fluorite is stabilizing and helps one to understand the effect of the mind and emotions on the body. In relationships, it teaches the importance of balance. In healing, Fluorite is a powerful healing tool, drawing off negative energies and stress of all kinds. It cleanses, purifies and dispels anything within the body that is not in perfect order. Fluorite helps with infections and benefits teeth, cells and bones. It repairs DNA damage and is powerful against viruses. Fluorite is beneficial for colds, the flu and sinusitis. This stone alleviates arthritis, rheumatism and spinal injuries. Stroked across the body towards the heart, it provides pain relief. Fluorite rekindles sexual libido.
Fluorite is one of the healing crystals that everyone MUST have. I literally use it every day in a protective grid at my computer desk, to guard against excess electromagnetic radiation, to keep my work flow and focus in harmony and to heighten my intuitive gifts. It guards against negativity and unwanted outside influences, psychic manipulation (think the media) and stress of all types. One simply cannot overuse Fluorite or even have too much of it! On the physical level, it is a strong healer for almost everything, but especially bones, joints and teeth; surgery, injuries like bruises and cuts; colds, flu, viruses; pain relief; heals the skin including shingles; as well as disorders in the stomach and intestines. Position the Fluorite over the affected area - you can even tape it or bandage it to an area that has a cast or stitches where it can work 24/7. Mentally Fluorite is a strong intellectual and learning crystal, It is extremely organizing for the mind and can be used in cases of ADD and ADHD where the brain is "mis-wired." It is a good crystal to use in order to coordinate the body and mind together. Emotionally it is stabilzing and helps balance mind and emotions. Fluorite heightens mental abilities, assisting in rapid organization and processing of information and can bring mental clarity and stability to an otherwise chaotic situation.
Due to its powerful ability to absorb negative energies, Fluorite should be cleared often."

Seizure happened in the kitchen. Jupiter meowed and rubbed against me while I crouched. Adam came in and gently lay me on the floor. My eyes were open and blank. Adam touched my face and reached for my mind, and I spasmed and gasped and blinked. I asked why I was on the floor. Adam helped me up and stood me against the large freezer. My memory is swirling. Alicia is holding me. Earlier, Adam said he told his boss, a fellow animal lover, that he needed an extra day to care for his wife. I rolled my eyes and said that was not necessary; that I was fine. Never mind. It was so dark and so white equally braided as order and chaos magics. I was spinning at ninety-nine percent light speed and thirty-five miles an hour. The world was elsewhere. A few seconds lasted a thousand years. Adam suggested I go upstairs and rest. Jupiter is suggesting a cuddle. I am thinking coffee and clonazepam and baclofen. I am made of light and love and pure order-chaos magic in its simplest form. I can give myself the right strength. May be that I can regenerate. As brightly and intensely as a Time Lord. I always shine enough for everyone.

The thing about brains is... brains are so complicated. Brains are so complex. Brains need outlets, too. Words are good enough for my brain. I just want to feel safe when I say words out loud. All I've wanted to do was help people. To say, in public, loudly, "You have someone who will listen. You have someone who understands. You have someone who knows what it means. You have someone who will hold you through the worst of the darkness. You have someone who will always shine brighter than any light." Ever since I was a teenager, I was told that I radiated a pure sort of light that drew other minds close. And every time someone who has never seen that light tells me that I'm causing upset or wrongness, that light falters, because how could someone slap me across the face just because I want to speak out through the darkness? I will never stop speaking out through the darkness. I don't care what it costs anymore. I will talk about my brain and its ultimate complications and complexities and sicknesses and handicaps, and somewhere, someone will always be listening. And they will talk about their brains, and we will share our stories, because that is how stories begin.
"Once upon a time, there was a warrior princess born with invisible armor to battle all the damage inside her that would follow her for the rest of her life. For a long long time, there was nobody she could talk to who truly understood. And then, suddenly, there were dozens of people who could understand. And the warrior made it a mission to talk to them all and keep talking. She kept talking even as others misunderstood her, scorned her, and scolded her, since they didn't realize that what she was doing was baring her life wide open, so anyone drawn to her light could share their lives too. She was told, 'Stop putting yourself out there. Stop talking so much about what's wrong with you. Stop focusing on the negative.' And she looked at them, finally, and said, 'No.' Because there was nothing negative. There was no wrongness. There was only her life. And her life was only positive and right. There was laughter, and amusement, and silly things, because even as the pain overwhelmed her, she would keep going, keep laughing. She told stories to those who wanted to listen. She helped many people learn about themselves. She became a teacher, an advocate, a true light in the darkness. She became strong and brave because she had to. And she will have stories to tell for the rest of her life."







I admit, I got a little choked up while writing this. Maybe I do feel much more defensive and upset and naked to criticism than I thought. I'm really, really trying to work on letting all that go. It certainly doesn't help my mental health.

So, until I see a full end to these violent migraines, brain pains, and flares of fibromyalgia, sciatica, chondromalacia patella, knee arthritis, ulnar nerve entrapment, hypertonia spasticity with hemiparesis, hemiparetic ghost sensations, itching, shaking, hay fever, exhaustion, true muscle weakness, and hypersensitivity... I will be pretending like all hell to be a normal ordinary human. Nothing to see here, nope, move along...

What with husband working a computer trade show job in Manhattan for the next couple of days, my sweet Charlotte will be coming over every day to help me work on organizing the rest of the house. Gods know I will need such help.

Also, I have a plush red fox and a plush gray wolf to cuddle, and my darling Serenity the Pony to whisper to, kiss on the lotus bud blaze mark on her forehead, brush her long long hair with a boar brush and wood comb.

And naturally, there is my wonderful balance of pharmaceutical pills and supplement pills.
Klonopin, Codeine, Ultram, Soma. Ashwagandha, MSM, Yerba Mate, Devil's Claw, Raspberry Ketones, Mangosteen, Moringa, Goji.

https://www.change.org/petitions/chairman-murphy-and-ranking-member-degette-stop-threatening-the-hipaa-rights-of-people-with-psychiatric-disabilities
To quote a dear friend:
"I am a fully-functioning human being, mentally ill people pose NO greater threat to society than non-mentally-ill people, and we are entitled to exactly the same protections as every other person. Do not discuss these issues without allowing mentally ill people to educate you. Do not discuss these issues until and unless you are aware that mentally ill people are more likely to be the VICTIMS of violence than the perpetrators. Inform yourselves and actually talk to the people involved. Don't bring your own preconceived ideas to the table, call them fact, and suggest policy based on them. That's inhumane AND unlawful."

And I would like to add:
There are very different types of crazy. What I call Hollywood Crazy or Hollywood Mental Illness is usually the kind that is an exaggerated version of a disorder that is seen as a danger to oneself and others. There are people out there so terrified of this that even if they are mentally ill, they will refuse to say anything because ignorant family members might see them as Hollywood Crazy (see: "I am not crazy! I have never been crazy! Don't call me crazy!" often intoned with an air of fear, upset, prejudice.) And in those minds, Hollywood Crazy might mean commitment to a ward or facility, which is often seen as a terrible thing, not a helpful healing thing. We seriously need to change how we view mental illness and mental disability. There are so many people living with a form of mental illness who absolutely refuse any sort of treatment purely out of fear of ridicule, shunning, disconnection from family, even forced unnecessary commitment to hospitals. We need to show them that the stigma is human, driven by fear that breeds hate, and that there is no shame or fear in getting some sort of treatment.

***

Dear pharmaceutical drugs: I know people hate you and think you are poison, but I just wanted to tell you that I greatly appreciate your role in saving my life.
I will always balance you with holistic remedies, allopathic medicine, and whole body treatments. But I will always be grateful for the way you have helped me feel better, and even normal, under certain standards. I am one of those people who rarely experience the various side effects listed - which really, are simply issues reported by test patients during trials, which may or may not actually affect anyone. It took me years to realize that. After all, many, many pharmaceutical drugs were initially derived and synthesized from plants, foods, and botanicals. I am not sure about recent years, but chemistry is chemistry.
I do not participate in the stigma and hate toward you. Of course, I am only speaking for myself and my personal experiences. I know so many people who really have been poisoned and "screwed up" because their chemistry reacted very badly to certain medicines, causing extreme side effects that led to even worse conditions. I cannot speak for them. But I can speak for me. And all I can do is be grateful.
One day, I will taper down until I need only very small dosages of the drugs I am taking. That may be years from now. I will still need to take certain drugs for the rest of my life However, for the time being, I am perfectly fine with the pills I take. I cannot say that for anyone else - I am not anyone else.
I am always sad when I learn that so many other patients cannot handle certain medications or become worse due to negative side effects - that is horrific.
Yet as long as no one tries to convince me personally that my life would be better if I quit all my essential medications, I will nod and agree that we take too many prescriptions as a whole, and that negative side effects can be absolutely terrifying and can lead to worse problems. I wish there were more patients like me, who are are able to handle drugs without intense side effects.
And now I shall take the supplements that I take daily, to help balance the pharmaceuticals. Because the supplements work for me. And that is a completely separate debate for another post.

Oh, hell, might as well do that post now.
Depending on who you talk to, supplements and holistic medicine and alternative remedies are either the best thing and the only thing, or absolute bullshit and placebos. And then there are those who regard supplements as exactly that - supplemental. Alternative. Balancing. No big deal.
I grew up on vitamins and supplements, only being given pharmaceuticals when necessary. Now that I need to take over half a dozen pharmaceutical pills daily, I balance them as best I can with vitamins and supplements.
There are plenty of sick patients who are physically unable to take supplements and alternative treatments, as their bodies and brains completely reject or don't respond at all to said medicines. Which is why I bristle whenever someone insists that pharmaceuticals are all poison and only supplements and natural medicines are the way to treat illness. Nobody is the same. Everybody is different. What works for me may not work for you. People don't seem to understand this. People may never understand this.

And here, I submit a full list of every single diagnosis ever made in my life, and here I submit a full list of pharmaceutical medications and supplemental medicines, stored in both my Facebook Notes section and a document in Word.

( Read more... )

And now, time for the daily supplements that I take daily because they work for me.

Also, I am on slightly higher doses of drugs to ease the migraine, the anxiety, the OCD, the ADD, the potential return of depression and seizures, the spasticity, and the dreaded lumbar pain. So if anyone tries to talk to me, my voice or fingers may argl blarg wagl mluh. Just a little.

Feels amazing, though.

See, this is what happens when a person with true chronic pain takes her medication in proper doses when she actually needs the higher doses that were recommended by doctors. As in, "if you need a second dose, please take that dose, and don't try to pretend you can just push through your major chronic pains, because I have prescribed you these drugs at these doses at these pill amounts for a reason, which is for pain. It's fantastic that you take alternative remedies, but if you need these pain drugs which I have prescribed, you should probably take these pain drugs which I have prescribed, especially at the suggested dosages, and damn anyone who scolds you." (Seriously, this was what my pain specialist nurse told me, word for word.)

As holistic and supplemental as I prefer, I will punch anyone who accuses me of being potentially addicted to pharmaceuticals, since without them I would be screaming a lot. So, yeah, I love you, don't make me punch you. I am still hoping for telekinesis.
I'm off to take some supplements too, by the way. I hope that makes you happy.
 

And yet another email from a well-meaning stranger who insists that if only I would stop all my medications and eat certain foods for the rest of my life, I would be completely healed and all my disabilities would vanish. Ah, willful ignorance, my nemesis, we meet again.
Dear Idiot: If you happen to read this, allow me to correct your incredible errors. No one should ever attempt stop any prescription medication without consulting their doctors. No food or combination of foods can cure medical conditions that began with brain damage from birth. It is extremely important to eat a healthy, balanced, fresh, whole diet. Such nutrition will absolutely have a positive effect on overall health, immunity, and various bodily functions. Such nutrition will even contribute to the body's own amazing healing powers. However, to claim that food, and food alone, is the one and only necessary treatment for every conceivable ailment is irresponsible, ignorant, and stupid.
Trust me, I get where you're coming from. I was raised for twenty years on supplements, herbs, vitamins, fresh food, exercise, and the occasional pill to deal with a temporary ailment. I didn't touch a long-term pharmaceutical drug until my late twenties. And do you know what happened when I did? It changed my life. Certain drugs began to control my seizures, anxiety, depression, nerve pain, muscle tension, body spasms, and other major neurological and physical disabilities. I had no idea how wonderful modern "Big Pharma" could be when it was applied responsibly. You see, I had spent so long believing in the mantra of "Big Pharma Is Evil" that I ignored dozens of symptoms and attempted to heal myself with supplements and holistic treatments that did not help in the ways I actually needed. I scoffed at suggestions of prescription drugs. I snarled at the thought of being on long term painkiller drugs. How could I? I would never trust that awful killer Big Pharma! Guess what? I was a complete idiot. I was so stupid that I let myself go on for years with symptoms and syndromes building up until I had no more choice - I had to get professional help.
I am forever grateful for the pharmaceutical drugs that I take. They really did save my life. But hey, I will never, ever tell anyone that they should do what I did, either go totally holistic or totally pharmaceutical. I believe so strongly in the balance of the two things that I still take my supplements and alternative treatments every day. I make sure that every herb, vitamin, food, and exercise works as well as possible with my "evil scary Big Pharma drugs." This has been such a beautiful thing for me that I plan on doing in until I die.
Yes, my symptoms still flare on a regular basis. Yes, often the only thing that soothes my pains and aches and twitches are those pharmaceutical drugs. But do you know what I will never want? I would never want anyone to hear my story and assume that they can live with a disease, disorder, or illness and heal themselves just by eating a bunch of fruit. As much as I love all that fruit, I eat it as food and as supplemental medicine. I live in the 21st century, in an age of powerful medicines; I can eat all the roots, leaves, powders, elixirs, fruits, and vegetables I want, but that will not cure any of my medical conditions. I accept that and I embrace that.
And here's an amazing fact: Many of those evil, scary pharmaceutical medicines were extracted and synthesized from good old food, herbs, plants, trees, coral reefs, and all sorts of glorious, fantastic things found in nature. Isn't that wonderful? Sure, a great deal of sciencey things happen to turn nature into drugs. But without nature, we would not have medicine. So don't you fucking dare tell me how I should treat my health conditions. If I wanted to ask, I would have asked. And you could have just made a kind suggestion. I probably would have thanked you and smiled and done some research. So be nice. Typing this whole thing out took some time. And now, if you will excuse me, I need to take a painkiller to ease the fiery pain in my hands and wrists.
Thank you for reading. I wish you good health for all your days.

A coworker, who knows I'm into holistic skin care, just gave me a bottle of some bath oil (Healing Bath Oil) that contains my favorites, tamanu and sea buckthorn -- plus black seed oil. I think this is awesome.
I was reading up on black seed again, and as it turns out, it has been used throughout history as a contraceptive for women, as well as stimulation of menstruation and milk flow. I had assumed that neem was the only herb worth mentioning regarding contraception, so this is interesting. (I know a couple of women who use neem both externally and internally as a form of contraception, but I wouldn't want to take that risk, not until lots more studies are published confirming its effectiveness.)
Black Seed is very good for dozens of physical ailments, and it works pretty well for me. But I haven't used it in skin care yet. The oil has a very strong smell -- herbal and nutty and very dark. It's not the most pleasing fragrance, but I can tell it's powerful.
http://www.sweetsunnah.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?category=blackseed_reports