The Return To Innocence

You know, sometimes you write something so bizarre and wild that you need to copy-paste it just to see how people would react...

"...it was like OH NO THE BIKER VELOCIRAPTORS OF THE APOCALYPSE WILL BE UPON ME IN THREE WEEKS AND THE WORLD WILL END UNLESS I FINISH THIS MANUSCRIPT IN THREE WEEKS AND I SEE PEOPLE COVERED IN FISH COMING FOR ME AND I'M SCARED.
But I feel better. It might just be the Klonopin, but I feel better."
And later, "PEOPLE COVERED IN FISH? WHY NOT ZOIDBERG?"

Long story. Long story short, I have a debut book that needs finishing and then editing. Also, I am on painkillers, muscle relaxers, anxiety relievers, and supplements, and also possibly too many cat kisses. I think those in particular can lead to strange behavior.
Good night.

To paraphrase a rather obscure Futurama quote:

I should be sleeping. I'm not sleeping!!

*sounds of leather whipping and Zoidberg whooping*

Some days I truly do feel like Bender. Other days I'm a blend of Amy, Fry, Zoidberg, Kif, Scruffy, Nibbler, Hedonismbot, and Al Gore's Head.

Time for deep transcendental meditation and valerian. And possibly Flexeril and Klonopin, depending. Last night's anxiety attack was really really... not good. Mild insomnia combined with major anxiety is... bad brain, no smart-making. Brain did not brain nicely at all. Brain had better brain better tomorrow.

So, I am wearing Urban Decay Eyeshadow in "Bender," which is "forest green metallic with gold micro glitter." Along with "Loaded," which is "deep metallic emerald," "Bender" is the only green shadow I can wear without looking ill. Both shades compliment my coffee eyes, ivory skin, and chocolate hair beautifully. But I have a bone to pick regarding "Bender." It should be metallic steel grey with silver micro glitter, perhaps Foghat Gray. Then again, I doubt the staff at Urban Decay knows about Futurama.

(Also, I know people in the writing world are tired and irritated by the use of food colors to describe skin, eyes, and hair - but I really think it is one of the best ways to make a character's appearance stand out. For example, ivory is off-white with a slight yellow undertone, which describes my fair complexion, which is Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation Shade 2.0 and MAC NC15. Coffee is a deep soft brown with varied highlights, as is chocolate. I love hearing that kind of description for characters.)

Because the entire concept of robot babies being actually conceived is incredibly hilarious and hilariously incredible.
***
Leela: It's okay, Bender. No one here will laugh at you for not knowing where robot babies come from.
[The other teen robots in the room, contrary to what Leela said, actually do laugh but then hang their heads and sigh.]
Tinny Tim: We don't know, either.
Farsworth: [holding a videocasette labelled "ROBOT SEX ED: DIRECTOR'S CUT"] Then prepare to be embarrassed.
[Farnsworth puts the tape in the VCR. The TV turns on.]
Narrator: [reading title screen] SEX ED. VOLUME ONE or PANTS FULL of SHAME!
[Cut to: A teen robot walking on a sidewalk]
Narrator: Meet Gerald, a maturing young robot.
Spotty Teen Robot: Hey, he looks like me!
Narrator: His hideous appearance is a byproduct of his hardware gearing up for an important mission: reproduction.
Fat-bot: Oh boy oh boy oh boy!
Narrator: Since factories can't manufacture enough robots to meet demand, robots can also reproduce by mating.
Bender: Aw, now you tell me!
Narrator: First, Gerald must find a female robot. The best he can do is Francine.
[Cut to a fembot, who buzzes.]
Narrator: After beer and hot wings at a local gas station, the two enjoy intimate time behind a dumpster. It's all perfectly natural. Let's watch, aroused, as Gerald's antenna uploads a binary file to Francine's internal drive.
[A series of ones and zeros become sperm and go into a hard drive.]
Narrator: Manufacturing specs from each parent are then merged by a randomized algorithm and the resulting code guides assembly of a new robot. [Gerald and Francine's baby blows a raspberry.] Yes, everything your body does is perfectly natural.
[The spotty teen robot and Fat-bot high five each other.]
Narrator: Except masturbation! That's...just...wrong!!!
[The teen robots hang their heads in shame.]
[Title Screen: THE END]
[The TV turns off.]
Bender: Daaaw, I can't believe I made a kid! I'm not ready! There's so much in the world I haven't stolen yet!
Leela: Relax, Bender. No one would let you near a child. Bev will get custody and you'll be a deadbeat dad who never even bothers to know his own son.
Bender: [wiping a tear away] You really think so?
Leela: I know so. You're absolutely horrible in every way.
Bender: [still sobbing] You're sweet, Leela.
***
http://www.animeflavor.com/index.php?q=node/27967

Crazily enough, my mental state and my life right now can be summed up by this quote:

"I can't stop eating this delicious ooze. But I'm not gonna let you die."

Oh, what the hell, the whole scene is good, too.
***
Bender: Look, we just came to party with Slurms MacKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled?
Slurm Queen: [shouting] Never! [Bender groans.] To the torture cave!
[Scene: Torture Cave. Bender has been tied to a conveyor belt which moves towards a machine.]
Slurm Queen: You, my metal friend, will have the honour of becoming 174 Slurm cans.
Bender: Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.
[Leela is raised in a harness and suspended over a vat of purple goo. The Glurmos stand by a control unit.]
Slurm Queen: As for you, you will be submerged in Royal Slurm which, in a matter of minutes, will transform you into a Slurm Queen like myself.
Small Glurmo #1: But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.
Slurm Queen: Yes! Which is why we'll market it as New Slurm. Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm Classic, and make billions!
[She and the Glurmos laugh. Small Glurmo #1 pushes a lever down and Leela is lowered into the purple Slurm. Fry watches.]
Fry: What about me?
Slurm Queen: You are free to go.
Fry: Yes!
Slurm Queen: If you can resist this concentrated super Slurm! [The Glurmos grab him and sit him in a chair in front of a tub. The Slurm Queen fills the tub with a dark green slime.] It's so delicious, you'll eat until you explode! Oh, which reminds me, put a tarp over that sofa, will you? Bon appétit!
[One of the Glurmos forces a spoonful of the Slurm into Fry's mouth. Fry struggles then smiles.]
Fry: Mmm!
Slurm Queen: Farewell! Oh, and congratulations again on winning the contest.
[She and the Glurmos laugh insanely and leave.]
Leela: Fry, untie us, quick!
Fry: Here I come. [He sees the tub of Slurm.] Let me just-- One more taste.
[He takes three.]
Leela: You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.
[Fry walks towards her then changes his mind and sticks his head into the tub. Bender moves closer to the machine.]
Bender: I can't see what's happening. Are we boned?
Leela: Yeah, we're boned.
[Fry lifts his head out of the tub and looks around. He sees Bender then Leela then looks back at the Slurm, A tear trickles down his face and splashes into the Slurm.]
Fry: I can't stop eating this delicious ooze. But I'm not gonna let you die.
[He moves towards the control unit, dragging the tub with him and shovelling handfuls of Slurm into his mouth.]
Leela: Hurry!
Bender: What's happening? [Fry uses his foot to flick the lever up and the machine lifts Leela out of the vat. She runs over to the can machine and stops it. Fry wipes his brow and Bender breathes a sigh of relief.] Just in time!
[He looks down and screams. There is a hole in the middle of his casing. Fry looks through it. While he is distracted, Leela tips the tub of Slurm over and it disappears down a drain.]
Fry: [screaming] NOOO! [He sticks his head between the grate and tries to lick up the Slurm.] [talking] I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms!
[He starts gnawing at his arms. Leela lifts him up off the floor.]
***

I wonder if Tim Burton ever watched "Fry And The Slurm Factory" before or during the filming of the Johnny Depp movie.

Crazily enough, my mental state and my life right now can be summed up by this quote:

"I can't stop eating this delicious ooze. But I'm not gonna let you die."

Oh, what the hell, the whole scene is good, too.
***
Bender: Look, we just came to party with Slurms MacKenzie. By the way, when is that scheduled?
Slurm Queen: [shouting] Never! [Bender groans.] To the torture cave!
[Scene: Torture Cave. Bender has been tied to a conveyor belt which moves towards a machine.]
Slurm Queen: You, my metal friend, will have the honour of becoming 174 Slurm cans.
Bender: Ah, this trip is turning into a big letdown.
[Leela is raised in a harness and suspended over a vat of purple goo. The Glurmos stand by a control unit.]
Slurm Queen: As for you, you will be submerged in Royal Slurm which, in a matter of minutes, will transform you into a Slurm Queen like myself.
Small Glurmo #1: But, Your Highness, she's a commoner. Her Slurm will taste foul.
Slurm Queen: Yes! Which is why we'll market it as New Slurm. Then, when everyone hates it, we'll bring back Slurm Classic, and make billions!
[She and the Glurmos laugh. Small Glurmo #1 pushes a lever down and Leela is lowered into the purple Slurm. Fry watches.]
Fry: What about me?
Slurm Queen: You are free to go.
Fry: Yes!
Slurm Queen: If you can resist this concentrated super Slurm! [The Glurmos grab him and sit him in a chair in front of a tub. The Slurm Queen fills the tub with a dark green slime.] It's so delicious, you'll eat until you explode! Oh, which reminds me, put a tarp over that sofa, will you? Bon appétit!
[One of the Glurmos forces a spoonful of the Slurm into Fry's mouth. Fry struggles then smiles.]
Fry: Mmm!
Slurm Queen: Farewell! Oh, and congratulations again on winning the contest.
[She and the Glurmos laugh insanely and leave.]
Leela: Fry, untie us, quick!
Fry: Here I come. [He sees the tub of Slurm.] Let me just-- One more taste.
[He takes three.]
Leela: You pig. Stop stuffing your craw and save us.
[Fry walks towards her then changes his mind and sticks his head into the tub. Bender moves closer to the machine.]
Bender: I can't see what's happening. Are we boned?
Leela: Yeah, we're boned.
[Fry lifts his head out of the tub and looks around. He sees Bender then Leela then looks back at the Slurm, A tear trickles down his face and splashes into the Slurm.]
Fry: I can't stop eating this delicious ooze. But I'm not gonna let you die.
[He moves towards the control unit, dragging the tub with him and shovelling handfuls of Slurm into his mouth.]
Leela: Hurry!
Bender: What's happening? [Fry uses his foot to flick the lever up and the machine lifts Leela out of the vat. She runs over to the can machine and stops it. Fry wipes his brow and Bender breathes a sigh of relief.] Just in time!
[He looks down and screams. There is a hole in the middle of his casing. Fry looks through it. While he is distracted, Leela tips the tub of Slurm over and it disappears down a drain.]
Fry: [screaming] NOOO! [He sticks his head between the grate and tries to lick up the Slurm.] [talking] I could fit if I didn't have these damn arms!
[He starts gnawing at his arms. Leela lifts him up off the floor.]
***

I wonder if Tim Burton ever watched "Fry And The Slurm Factory" before or during the filming of the Johnny Depp movie.