The Return To Innocence

Another bizarre, color-based fantastic dream last night.
I was walking through a small town full of colors of all kinds. I had my handbag on me and I wondered if I could practice any magic with my cosmetics. However, the eyeshadows from the previous dream were gone.
An older woman came to me and said, "I know what you need. The powders you were using are limited. But these are not. I give these to you as my gift, freely, with no expectations. They belong to you."
She handed me two eyeshadow cases. I recognized them instantly - I own them in the waking world: Too Faced Exotic Color Eye Shadow Singles in Poison Orchid and Midnight Mist. I frowned and stared at her, realizing that her eyelids were painted with a blend of the two. I asked, "Are these stronger?"
"Oh yes," she said. "They heal and harm, create and destroy. Use your finger or a shadow brush. Wear them blended on your eyelids and you are immune to anyone who tries to use magic in a negative or destructive way. Swipe one on each wrist and your own magic will be increased. Wear them any which way you wish and you will be stronger. There is always power in color. Do you wear the red lipcolors that the Art Goddess gave you?"
I tilted my head. "I don't know. I own many red lip shades."
She smiled. Then you probably do. Do you know the names Provocateur, Hot Mama, Pretty Woman, Ruby Slippers, Stiletto Red, Wild?"
"Oh!" I said. "Oh, yes! Buxom and It Cosmetics and Too Faced and Tarte! I always feel drawn to them. Um, pun intended?"
The woman laughed, and her dark blue eyes glowed. "These eyeshadows are Too Faced and the names are no coincidence in this dimension. You come here very often in your dreams." She peered closer at me, nose to nose. "You are wearing Tarte Maracuja Concealer and It Cosmetics Concealer. One day, you will see the true complete beauty, and you may not use so much."
I smirked. "Are you a psychiatrist?"
"Sort of," she laughed. "Empathic witchcraft has advantages. You use color and cosmetics as both enhancement and costume. That is perfect and good. But you must remember that you, as you, are always beautiful."
I took a very deep breath. "It will take a while."
She reached out and pressed her palms against my cheeks. "You will know. You are loved."
It seemed as though she were about to walk away, but she paused and looked at me again. "The Too Faced Lipstick in Stiletto Red and the Tarte Lipstick in Wild. Use them to draw your personal magical symbols where you need on your body, when you come into this dream dimension again. You will understand why once you walk through our town."
I nodded. "And the Too Faced eyeshadows?"
"Oh, you know how they work!" she laughed. "You could even just open them and point them at the sky when you need to destroy your monsters and horrors. Midnight Amethyst and and Midnight Sapphire are designed to work in moonlight, sunlight, and all elements."
I realized that nothing was enigmatic anymore. I started laughing. Behind me, a gateway opened. I stepped back, waving at my companion. She held out one hand, fingers spread wide, and passed a golden-silver stream of light to my hand. I laughed loudly, and the gateway gently wrapped around me and pulled me through. It took a while for me to wake up. I suppose I could call it dream limbo. Light and shadow, color and negative space, filled with serenity.
I will go back. It is my town, after all.



The makeup in this photo:
Too Faced Exotic Single Eyeshadow in Poison Orchid, Midnight Mist
It Cosmetics Hello Lashes Volume Growth Mascara
It Cosmetics Vitality Lip Butter Gloss in Ruby Slippers
Tarte Maracuja Creaseless Concealer

Front facing smartphone cameras with anti-shake technologies are so freaking awesome for disabled people!

Note to self: When a major depression episode during a fibromyalgia attack strikes, get a wooden bristle hairbrush or an ionic tourmaline hairbrush and start a long deep scalp massage. Focus on the endorphin rush. So silky. So shiny. So strong. It really does help as much as an endorphin rush can help. If I have to brush my hair until my arms are sore and weak, I will. I love my hair. So much. My beautiful Mediterranean hair. I will grow it as long as possible, maybe to the middle of my back, just above my waist. I take so much pride in my hair.

Well, a couple of weeks ago, an old friend who shared my love of wood hairbrushes told me she was going to send me a gift, but she refused to say what. Now I know what it is. And I am completely in love, ecstatic, and kind of stunned.
https://www.widu.com/product/35235
https://www.widu.com/product/42785

The painted Modern brush with the orange bristles is being kept like a treasure in a silken bag, while the colored blue brush is next to my computer, so I can massage my scalp whenever I want. Oh, so beautiful. So expensive, but understandably so. I massage my palms and my soles with the bristles as well, and it produces some amazing sensations. Perhaps I can include these brushes in my personal therapy.

I will climb out of this knowing how much I am loved.

So, I am wearing Urban Decay Eyeshadow in "Bender," which is "forest green metallic with gold micro glitter." Along with "Loaded," which is "deep metallic emerald," "Bender" is the only green shadow I can wear without looking ill. Both shades compliment my coffee eyes, ivory skin, and chocolate hair beautifully. But I have a bone to pick regarding "Bender." It should be metallic steel grey with silver micro glitter, perhaps Foghat Gray. Then again, I doubt the staff at Urban Decay knows about Futurama.

(Also, I know people in the writing world are tired and irritated by the use of food colors to describe skin, eyes, and hair - but I really think it is one of the best ways to make a character's appearance stand out. For example, ivory is off-white with a slight yellow undertone, which describes my fair complexion, which is Urban Decay Naked Skin Foundation Shade 2.0 and MAC NC15. Coffee is a deep soft brown with varied highlights, as is chocolate. I love hearing that kind of description for characters.)

So, in the past week or so, my face has been physically compared to the faces of Rose Byrne, young Lana Turner, and young Ursula Andress. This is fascinating and I have no idea what to think. I am flattered, of course - and extremely intrigued and slightly weirded out.

Also, I've been experimenting with different shades of eyeshadow and how to layer them. It is so much fun and it really makes the colors last. To think that over ten years ago I wouldn't have touched makeup voluntarily. Painting and enhancing my own skin is quite enlightening.

So, yeah.

Today so far has been a day of "Let's drug Joanna up with opiates, anaglesics, muscoloskeletal relaxants, caffeine, migraine remedies, skin hydrators, itch relief, cramp relief, nausea relief, anti-fatigue supplements, and focusing supplements."
I woke up at 11:30, felt sick, took a very long shower with very hot water, took half an hour to get dressed, then fell back onto the bed, where a cat inevitably sat on me and licked my face.
I went inside my brain to talk to my Frontal Lobe, represented by a stern, petite Eastern European woman with sharp cheekbones, multi-colored eyes, pouty lips, bronze skin, calico hair, sturdy curves, long hands, a sloped nose, and a deep voice.
"What about food?" I asked. "My digestive system is being uncooperative right now."
"I know," she said. "Go get that high-calorie nutrient-dense smoothie you bought at Fresh Market and then make an acai smoothie when you're ready. Later, try some plain cheddar and soup. I had a conference with the medulla oblongata about that. Don't take anything for the digestive stuff, by the way."
"You sure? Because you know the amygdala and I..."
"Yes, yes. But I mean it. You can drink some Pepto Bismol if you really want, but you need that nutrition. Go pick those cherry tomatoes out back, too. And the water. Keep drinking the moringa water and the sea buckthorn tea."
"Did the medulla oblongata tell you that?"
"Yes. Every part tells me everything."
I paused. "Can... can you make me hurt less?"
She bit her lower lip. "Well... see, the nociceptors tend to have minds of their own. Like teenagers and toddlers rebelling and tantruming. Well, also like adults tantruming. Have you ever seen a grown person throw a tantrum?"
"Of course. It's embarrassing."
"So... I can team up with some of my other parts to try. But keep in mind that considering our massive damage and dead parts, there is only so much we can do. But we can make sure to help you stay upright and conscious and able to respond to external stimuli. The limbic system is a little twitchy, though. It's making the hippocampus twitchy, too."
"Oh, hell," I said. "What about seizure warnings?"
She paused. "I can try. I promise I will try."
I nodded. "I know. I know how busy you are."
She smiled. "I'll keep an eye on the temporal lobes and parietal lobes."
I nodded. "Thank you, Lady."
"Just rest for now. Okay? Keep yourself calm. We will be here for you."
The Frontal Lobe representation held out her arms. I slowly moved forward, and she embraced my mental avatar. Her touch and body radiated cold and hot and kindness and love and severity and power and strength and control and understanding. I couldn't put the rest of it into words. I was a pebble at the bottom of a river, with ripples widening all around me.

My meditation ended. I opened my eyes and stretched my neck, and felt almost refreshed, except for the parts that hurt so badly I almost left my body.
So I sit here, typing very very slowly with what sections of my Neocortex will allow through all this fog, casually watching animated films in the background to relax me and give me humor. I am very cold, wearing a silk cardigan (when did I acquire all these silk cardigans anyway?) and considering warming up the house because the Raynaud's Disease is attacking. But I trust the Frontal Lobe to take control as much as possible.
We will see what happens.

(Also, if anyone on my friends list knows more about this sort of thing that I do, please feel free to correct me in the comments.
http://www.brainhealthandpuzzles.com/brain_parts_function.html)

Because I am feeling physically and psychologically decent at the moment, you get to be subjected to my face with no makeup, no touch-ups, and my standard soft smile with my sparkling mocha brown eyes and insanely pale complexion that somehow tans in sunny climates (Thank you, ancestors from Sicily, Greece, Hungary, Romania, and Russia). And my hair is behaving. It maybe be dyed with a "Gold Mocha Medium Brown" shade but it is extremely close to my natural color anyway.
Also, this lip salve is fantastic. (http://stores.walk-in-beauty.net/-strse-185/Sacred-Circle-Neem-Plantain/Detail.bok)

Ah, dear Lauren Brooke Cosmetiques, Cory Cosmetics, Earth's Beauty, and 100 Percent Pure Cosmetics. The only organic makeup companies whose cream foundations and cream concealers actually work for my neutral warm complexion. A million thanks and such. One day, I will get to a point where I can go outside without base makeup and feel pretty, but until then, my favorite makeup will be part of my skin care routine.

My skin is actually as good as it's ever been: It's clear, smooth, soft, firm, elastic and radiant. But without hydration, nourishment, and moisturizing, it becomes dry, dehydrated, red, itchy, rough, and cranky, as my skin has stopped being able to adequately supply enough necessary sebum for natural nourishment. Hence my need for concealer or thick foundation, even after all the nourishing care. Also, I tend to look exhausted and pained without makeup. It's probably all in my head, anyway. People keep telling me I look 23, or 19. But hey, this is what happens in my head. OCD, body image problems, old blemishes, anorexia scars, etcetera. There are ghosts all over my skin.

I take comfort in knowing that I will never be alone. All the most beautiful people I have ever known have similar issues. Skin is the wrapping. The body is the shell. However, I might as well make the wrapping look lovely and shiny while I have it.




(This photo was taken in February of this year and is probably my favorite so far. I used Cory Cosmetics Cream Concealer in Light Flesh, Nars lipstick in Shanghai Express, and MAC Technakohl eyeliner in Greyprint. Lighting made the colors lighter in the photo, but it came out beautifully.)

Ah, dear Lauren Brooke Cosmetiques, Cory Cosmetics, Earth's Beauty, and 100 Percent Pure Cosmetics. The only organic makeup companies whose cream foundations and cream concealers actually work for my neutral warm complexion. A million thanks and such. One day, I will get to a point where I can go outside without base makeup and feel pretty, but until then, my favorite makeup will be part of my skin care routine.

My skin is actually as good as it's ever been: It's clear, smooth, soft, firm, elastic and radiant. But without hydration, nourishment, and moisturizing, it becomes dry, dehydrated, red, itchy, rough, and cranky, as my skin has stopped being able to adequately supply enough necessary sebum for natural nourishment. Hence my need for concealer or thick foundation, even after all the nourishing care. Also, I tend to look exhausted and pained without makeup. It's probably all in my head, anyway. People keep telling me I look 23, or 19. But hey, this is what happens in my head. OCD, body image problems, old blemishes, anorexia scars, etcetera. There are ghosts all over my skin.

I take comfort in knowing that I will never be alone. All the most beautiful people I have ever known have similar issues. Skin is the wrapping. The body is the shell. However, I might as well make the wrapping look lovely and shiny while I have it.




(This photo was taken in February of this year and is probably my favorite so far. I used Cory Cosmetics Cream Concealer in Light Flesh, Nars lipstick in Shanghai Express, and MAC Technakohl eyeliner in Greyprint. Lighting made the colors lighter in the photo, but it came out beautifully.)

Possibly my new favorite makeup combination, which can be seen in the new icon featuring my face:

BeingTrue Pure Lipstick in Temptress (creamy), Physicians Formula Shimmer Strips Universal Looks Eyeshadow Palette in Nude Eyes (sparkly), Neutrogena Defining Eyeliner in Twilight Blue (pearly), Raesin Images Mineral Cream Foundation in Linen 1 (silky), Rimmel London Volume Accelerator Mascara in Black (lush).

I think of it as Sultry Neutral. The Nude Eyes Palette has all sorts of shimmering shades that I am just beginning to explore. I've also found a few Josie Maran eyeshadows (Smoke, Tulip, Cappucino, Beautiful Purples) that I've fallen for. A dig through my makeup collection has also turned up my favorite eyeliners (MAC Technakohol in Greyprint, Earthline, Smoothblue). I'm really loving a neutral with slightly smoky accents look.

Also, my skin is finally looking wonderful. Thanks, skin care routines! In particular, thank you to the following botanical oils and extracts: Sea Buckthorn, Tamanu, Neem, Helichrysum, Pomegranate, Goji Berry, Argan, Cupuacu, Dragon's Blood, and Hyaluronic Acid.

Possibly my new favorite makeup combination, which can be seen in the new icon featuring my face:

BeingTrue Pure Lipstick in Temptress (creamy), Physicians Formula Shimmer Strips Universal Looks Eyeshadow Palette in Nude Eyes (sparkly), Neutrogena Defining Eyeliner in Twilight Blue (pearly), Raesin Images Mineral Cream Foundation in Linen 1 (silky), Rimmel London Volume Accelerator Mascara in Black (lush).

I think of it as Sultry Neutral. The Nude Eyes Palette has all sorts of shimmering shades that I am just beginning to explore. I've also found a few Josie Maran eyeshadows (Smoke, Tulip, Cappucino, Beautiful Purples) that I've fallen for. A dig through my makeup collection has also turned up my favorite eyeliners (MAC Technakohol in Greyprint, Earthline, Smoothblue). I'm really loving a neutral with slightly smoky accents look.

Also, my skin is finally looking wonderful. Thanks, skin care routines! In particular, thank you to the following botanical oils and extracts: Sea Buckthorn, Tamanu, Neem, Helichrysum, Pomegranate, Goji Berry, Argan, Cupuacu, Dragon's Blood, and Hyaluronic Acid.